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BY BOB FRISBY, M.S.
Conversations to have with your New Partner
With about half the marriages ending in divorce, it's a good idea to have several conversations with your partner before getting married.
Let's start with having children; do you both want them and if so, how many.
What political party to you align with? Read my chapter on politics together and discuss it. Some couples can live together and still disagree with each other regarding politics; can you?
What are your goals in life and can your partner enjoy helping you accomplish them? and vice versa.
What sexual behaviors do you expect to engage in and what won't you do? Touch has to be wanted and appreciated; will that be the case with your partnership?
In the love relationship there is no demanding, no physical assaultive behaviors, no emotional abusive communications; this has to be agreed upon.
What about the "division of labor"? Who will do the dishes, wash clothes, clean the house, take care of the outside, take care of the transportation means, fix meals? The decision should leave you both with the feeling that there is equality regarding the energy required and the time. We are in a new age regarding woman's place in the home; that isn't set in stone anymore; the woman has full say regarding the division of labor.
What home decorating style will you have? Can you roll with different rooms maybe being a different style that what you chose?
What about handling the budget? What comes in must first cover the necessary bills and then is split equally. Perhaps each has an allowance and they get to spend that as they please. Remember to set aside a hundred dollars for each vehicle per month to cover repair costs. And do set aside some each month for that vacation you should take every year.
What will your relationship be with the "extended family"? How often will you be meeting with parents, siblings, co-workers? Discuss the problems you forsee in dealing with certain members of the family
Remember the word compromise...that is critical. It's like "if you want this, I'd like to have this...if your going to do that, I'd like to do this". The discussion should end with each feeling ok.
Read the book: "I'm ok, Your ok"; it will help you accept people better.
Good luck in this adventure and if you run into snags, you can always ask: "what would Christ do?...what would Christ say?". And at some point you may want to get some counseling before ending the relationship.